


Fart Jokes are a Starting Point

by loquaciouslass



Series: Jasper and Lapis Explore This Human Concept Called 'Coping' [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), No Romance, Post-Canon, Starting to talk fic, fart jokes, only raspberries and immaturity, this is a totally platonic fic there will be no smooching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 07:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9224387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciouslass/pseuds/loquaciouslass
Summary: After endless amounts of trauma and ignoring each other, Jasper and Lapis spend some time at Beta. With the Peanut Gallery shouting encouragement.





	

 

Beta looks a little like an ocean. The patterns in the rock create waves, swirling in the heat, shadows forcing the orange to turn brown and washed out. There’s no fish here though. There’s nothing here.

Well, there’s a blue presence who keeps her eyes firmly trained on some interesting dirt and an orange one that’s very interested in the particular curve of some sediment, but nothing else. Aside from the oppressive silence, that could probably be considered something in and of itself, for it weighed so heavy.

“This is stupid.” Grumbles Jasper after the sandstone refuses to do anything that would justify getting away from Lapis.

“I’m not thrilled to be here either.” Says Lapis, flicking her eyes to the gems hiding behind an injector. “But Steven thinks we should be ‘opening up’ and ‘discussing all the bad stuff’ before one of us does something drastic.”

Jasper grumbles again and sets her head in her hands. She supposes that, worst comes to worst, she could just jump into the Beta and refuse to come out of a tiny hole. It wasn’t as if any of the gems currently around were strong enough to move someone of her mass when she was really determined. Well, the fusion, maybe- but that would still involve balancing stretching limbs with a grumpy and stuck quartz.

It’s hard enough to get Amethyst out of tight spaces sometimes, and she’s a great shapeshifter.

Jasper shifts her gaze to Lapis, who’s still staring at the dirt. Maybe there’s a bug in there and it reminds her of fish. Lapis is weird like that.

Though Jasper’s the one who keeps thinking about water and rocks and being alike. So maybe she’s the weird one.

The silence descends once more. Eventually, there’s a groan and shout from over by the rock.

_“Will you two say something already?!”_

_“Peridot!”_

There’s the sound of scuffling. Jasper and Lapis look over to see Garnet trying to get Peridot quiet. Steven his arms around. All of them fall into a heap and Peridot sneaks a good kick in on Garnet, and the silence changes.

Jasper snorts.

Then Lapis snorts.

The dust kicks up with a shout as Garnet tries very, very hard to stop Peridot from being her Peridotty self, while Steven is _still_ flapping his hands and mouthing things towards them. Lapis squints.

“So uh. Did you…ever learn to lip read?”

Jasper shakes her head. Steven is gesturing wildly, which in the wartime would’ve meant that someone needed help ASAP, but now mostly means that Steven is having one of his many emotions. It may be as many as three emotions, considering that what Peridot is doing could be considered embarrassing (though Jasper is more inclined to think of it as wonderfully, if abrasively straightforwards), while Garnet has the kind of expression on her face that one usually associates with Pearl once she sees Amethyst eating something with its own ecosystem it’s been left so long.

Lapis is chuckling as she watches Garnet try, desperately, to stop Peridot from marching over. Peridot, even without her limb enhancers, can still deliver quite the kick if she’s particularly determined. It’s one of her better qualities. Alongside the metal thing, which is currently throwing dust _everywhere_.

“She’s gotten a lot better at that,” murmurs Lapis.

“Just wait, soon she’ll be able to use that primitive sound amplifier and you two can annoy everyone from even further away.”

Lapis taps her foot, “and what do you mean by that?”

“You don’t think we can’t hear those imitations of human gas expulsion you do whenever that human shows up on their broadcast?” Jasper turns her head up. “Amethyst thinks you’re talking in _code._ ”

“Only if you think ‘Paulette sucks’ doesn’t deserve to be broadcast to the world.” Lapis folds her arms. “I bet you’re just jealous that Peridot is going to be louder than you.”

Jasper quirks an eyebrow. “What, you want her to be louder than me? You want the tiny-Rose to go and have another argument with her because she thinks that the kissing was terrible?”

“No. But I do want her to drown out your voice.”

Ah. There’s the point where it becomes a little too personal. A little too close to dragging things under the waves again, little teasing that starts to go just a little more than skin-deep. They both freeze. This is why they don’t talk.

Peridot has started blowing raspberries at Garnet and Steven. She has managed to take one of his sandals. Steven is squawking. Garnet is starting to giggle.

Jasper coughs. “Well if you want her to drown me out, I’ll have to be even _louder_.”

Lapis gapes, “You wouldn’t-“

Jasper puts her hands around her mouth and blows the loudest, wettest raspberry she can manage. Lapis shrieks and flaps her arms away. “You’re so gross!”

“I’m not, I’m just _loud!”_

She blows another one. Lapis’ shrieks turn into snorting laughter before she blows back again, getting spit all over Jasper’s body. It’s war now. The war of fart noises, drowning out all the sounds around them.

They have to stop when the fight takes a turn for the physical and they freeze. They haven’t touched since the whole…boat thing. Lapis steps back and the silence returns.

Steven beams.

“You two talked!”

They did. It was awkward and competitive but at least they talked. Jasper and Lapis move away from each other. Lapis coughs.

“I think that’s probably enough for one day, Steven.” Says Garnet. “It’s…very tiring to have to get to know someone all over again. It’s enough that you two found one thing in common.”

“And it was _fart jokes.”_ Says Peridot with the rising tone that usually suggests she’s about to launch into a rant, “fart jokes! Do you know how long it takes for Lapis to stop laughing when a human makes gas expulsions loud enough? It’s ridiculous! You can completely break the flow of an episode with how long she goes!”

“As if you don’t.” Says Lapis, rolling her eyes. “You make the noises too. And you ramble about it-“

“Oh, don’t take the high ground-“

“Ahem.” Garnet says. “I think we should probably be getting home. There’s something special on at seven and you two aren’t going to miss it.”

“What- what’s on?” Peridot squints. Garnet grins.

“Spoilers.”

Peridot grumbles. They start to make their way to the warp pad, except for Jasper, who’s lagging behind. Steven pauses.

“Jasper? Are you coming? Amethyst was getting a pizza tonight.”

“One second.”

Jasper stares into the endless orange ocean. The sun is starting to set, making waves in the deep rocks as the shadows begin to twist. It’s empty, and it’s quiet. There’s no soldiers here now. No rebels, either.

But even if there aren’t, Jasper still puts her hands across her mouth and blows the biggest raspberry she can manage into the setting sun.

It doesn’t change anything, and it doesn’t really make her feel better, but it starts off yet _another_ Peridot rant, this time about how Lapis and Jasper and Steven will _all_ get on her nerves.

And maybe that’s enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> me trying to come to terms with relating to both lapis and jasper while The Fucking Discourse rages in the background: This is FINE :) 
> 
> Also the word discourse just reminds me of uni. My final project was on discourse. It also involved underpants. This summarises me as a person.


End file.
